Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sober January is a disaster.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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