what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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