remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
