Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
