Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
