hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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