What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
