So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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