3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
