god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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