If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
