omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
