spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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