U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I believe in your delicious
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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