I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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