Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
