New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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