We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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