i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
