It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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