Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
