What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
