i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
