he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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