didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
