UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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