How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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