trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
