How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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