out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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