She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
