im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i am craving dick and cupcakes
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
