Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
