Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
