you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
