Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
