I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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