oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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