Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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