Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
True strength comes from lack of pants
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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