Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
