Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
