my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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