Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
