You're completely useless in the revolution.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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