Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
