if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
