shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
