By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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