Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
