Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
