Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I want you more than these girls want KFC
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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