I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
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She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants