Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
