JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE