like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.