Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.