this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??