omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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