Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
