god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
