She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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