you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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