I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize