Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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