Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
