No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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