So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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