she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
