yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
