Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
