The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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