When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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