I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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