Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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