Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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