i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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