Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
