Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
