OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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