im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
40s are totally the cure
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
