It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
